Mother's Day

Mother's Day By Jennifer Wilson-Pines

One day a year,The inevitable card, a dinner.Mediocre chocolates in a box elaborate enough to satisfy three-year-old's discerning taste.Every day is mother's day. The hands stretched up for a hug,pizza smeared kisses, the soft warm weight tucked in to my arms trustingly surrendered to sleep. Even the tired tantrums.I am a mother every second of the day.My daughter is stitched into every fiber of my life.I love her with an intensity that took me by surprise.Surpassed only by the fear of losing her. But she has another mother,The woman in the mirror,The shadow, who comes and goes through invisible doors.You first felt her stir, roll and kick inside you.The contraction that announced her impending arrival,heard the first cry, touched the downy fuzz on her head, And left her. And I grapple with this, As she will sooner than I wish.Without you, I would not be a mother. Your loss and hers is my gain. I honor you by loving her shiny black hair, rosebud mouth,She is made of you, how could I not?How could I understand That a few days after her birth,in the deep of winter,she was left outside. When she cries in fear or anger,"I'm cold,"I am seized with a rage as icy and unforgiving as that January night.When she tells me the life story of our formerly feral cat is the same as hers,I want to weep, that I can't change it or make it go away.Can I say I would never do the same? No Judge not…..Perhaps it was the desperation of a mother who throws her children from a burning building. Hoping and praying that someone will catch them. That they will be safe. Perhaps, perhaps, I will never know. Do you miss her,wonder at what might have been,where is she now?Our daughter is dancing, far away, dressed in a Cinderella blue gown. Serving tea to a stuffed turtle, singing songs of her own invention. You will never hear her voice. She will never see your face. She is neither you or me. She is the third way, already crafting her own story. You gave her life, I give her a future.

Happy Mother's Day.
(Jennifer Wilson-Pines is also an adoptive mother. Her daughter and Payton were adopted together in January 2005, they are orphanage sisters. I loved this poem and wanted to share it with all of you!)